Laurieston Hallowe'en Play (a), 1897

{Hector, Slasher, and Beelzebub enter the house and say:}

[Hector, Slasher and Beelzebub]

Hallowe'en, Hallowe'en comes but once a year,
And when it comes we hope to give all good cheer.
Stir up your fires, and give us light,
For in this house there will be a fight.

HECTOR

Here comes I, bold Hector:
Bold Hector is my name,
With my sword and my pistol by my side
I'm sure to win the game.

SLASHER

The game, sir! The game, sir!
It's not within your power;
For I will cut you up in inches
In less than half an hour.

HECTOR

You, sir!

SLASHER

I, sir!

{They draw swords and fight.}

HECTOR

Do, sir! die, sir!

{Slasher falls.}

Oh, dear! What's this I've done!
I've killed my brother's only son.
A Doctor! A Doctor! Ten pounds for a doctor!
What! No doctor to be found?

{The Doctor enters.}

DOCTOR

Here comes I, old Doctor Brown,
The best old Doctor in the town.

HECTOR

What diseases can you cure?

DOCTOR

All diseases, to be sure,
I have a bottle by my side,
All mixed with polks and eggs;
Put it in a mouse's blether,
Steer it with a cat's feather;
A drop of it will cure the dead.

{The medicine is administered.}

HECTOR

Get up, old Bob, and sing a song.

{Slasher jumps up.}

SLASHER

Once I was dead and now I'm alive;
God bless the old Doctor that made me survive.

{Beelzebub comes forward.}

BEELZEBUB

Here comes I, old Beelzebub,
And over my shoulder I carry my clogs,
And in my hand a frying-pan;
So don't you think I'm a jolly old man?
And if you think I am cutting it fat,
Just pop a penny in the old man's hat.