S.Nicholls' Infallible Doctor Broadside - 1700-1740
From France from Spain from Rome I come,
And from all Parts of Christendom.
For to cure all strange diseases,
Come take physick he that pleases:
Come ye broken Maids that scatter,
And can never hold your water,
I can teach you it to keep;
And other things are very meet,
As groaning backward in your sleep......
Come an ugly dirty whore,
That is at least Threescore or more,
Whose face and nose stands all awry,
As if you'd fear to pass her by;
I can make her plump and young,
Lusty lively and also strong,
Honest, active, fit to wed,
And can recall her Maiden head:
All this is done as soon as said.
If any man has got a Wife,
That makes him weary of his Life
With scolding, yoleing in the house.
As tho the Devil was turn'd loose;
Let him but repair to me,
I can cure her presently
With one Pill I'll make her civil,
And rid her Husband of that evil,
Or send her head-long to the Devil......
The Pox, the Palsey, and the Gout,
Pains within, and Achs without,
There is no disease but I
Can find a present remedy:
Broken Legs and Arms, I'm sure,
Are the easiest Wounds I cure:
Nay more than that I will maintain,
Break your Neck, I'll set it again,
Or ask you nothing for my pain......
Or if any man do chance,
To want a heart to fight against France.
I'll put him in on, if he be willing,
Shall make him fight and ne'er fear killing
Or any one that has been dead,
Seven long years and buried;
I can him to life restore,
And make him sound as he was before,
Else let him never trust me more......
If any man desire to live
A thousand ages let him give
Me a thousand pounds, and I
Will warrant him Life unless he dye;
Nay more I'll teach him a better trick,
Shall keep him well, if he ne'er be sick:
But if I no mony see,
And he with diseases troubled be,
Then he may thank himself not me......
Different to The Mountebank, some of the lines in this broadside appear in the "Alexander and the King of Egypt" chapbooks.