Laurieston Play (b), 1897

HECTOR

Here comes I, bold Hector;
Bold Hector is my name;
A sword and buckler by my side,
And I'm sure to win the game.

SLASHER

Here comes I, bold Slasher;
Bold Slasher is my name;
A sword and buckler by my side,
And I shall win the game.

HECTOR

You, sir!

SLASHER

I, sir!

HECTOR

Take out your sword and try, sir!

{They fight and Hector falls.}

SLASHER

Oh dear! Oh dear! What's this I've done?
I've killed my brothers all but one.
A doctor, a doctor, ten pounds for a doctor!

{The Doctor enters.}

DOCTOR

Here comes I, old Doctor Brown,
The best old Doctor in the town.

SLASHER

What can you cure?

DOCTOR

All diseases to be sure -
Gout, skout, bully gout, and the carvey.

{He administers medicine to Hector.}

SLASHER

Rouse up, sir; sing us a song.

{Hector rises}

HECTOR

Once I was dead, and now I'm alive.
God bless the doctor that made me survive.
Up and down the mountains, underneath the ground,
Eating bread and biscuits all the year round.

{Johnny Funny enters.}

JOHNNY FUNNY

Here comes I, wee Johnny Funny,
The very wee boy to gather the money;
Pouches down to my knees,
And I'm the boy to gather the bawbees.