Mummers' Play from Skelton (Yorkshire) 1930

Jack.

I open the door, I enter in.
I hope the game will soon begin.
Stir up the fire and make a light
For in this house there'll be a fight
If thou don't believe the words I say,
Step in, King Charles, and clear the way.

King Charles.

In comes I, King Charles is my name.
Sword and pistol by my side, I'm bound to win the game.

Jack.

The game, sir, the game, sir,
It is not in your power.
I'll slash thee into mince meat
In less than half an hour.

King Charles.

How canst thou? How canst thou?
My head is made of iron, my body's made of steel,
My hand and feet of knuckle-bone
I challenge thee on the field.

{They fight and Jack falls down}

Now I've knocked him to the ground.
Not a doctor to be found.
Five pounds for a doctor.

{Some one says}

[Someone]

No doctor

[King Charles]

Ten pounds for a doctor.

Doctor.

In comes I, old Doctor Brown,
The best old doctor in the town.

King Charles.

How came you to be a doctor?

Doctor.

By travels.

King Charles.

Where have you travelled?

Doctor.

England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales,
And now come back to Old England again.

King Charles.

What can you cure?

Doctor.

All sorts.

King Charles.

What's all sorts?

Doctor.

Ixtpy, picty, nineteen divils in a man's head,
I can cast twenty-one out.

King Charles.

Cure him.

Doctor.

Here, Jack, take a sup of my medicine.
And ride up and fight King Charles again.

Jack.

Oh, my back.

Doctor.

What's amiss with thy back?

Jack.

My back is wounded, my heart's confounded,
And I cannot fight again.

Bel.

In comes I, old Bel,
On my shoulder I carries my club,
In my hand a dripping pan.
I think myself a jolly old man.
A jolly old man I seem to be,
I've got two sons bigger than me,
One stout, the other small,
I think myself above them all.

Jack Sweep.

In comes I, little Jack Sweep,
All the money I get I mean to keep.
Money I'll lay, money I pray,
If you don't give me money
I sweep you away.