R.J.E.Tiddy (1923) pp.203-205

Context

Location: town: 
Ovingdean
TQ3503
Time of Occurrence: 
Christmas
Collective name: 
[Not given]

Source

Source author: 
R.J.E.Tiddy
Source title: 
The Mummers' Play
Source publication: 
Oxford, Clarendon Press, 1923, pp.203-205

Cast

Father Christmas
Twin Twain
Father Bellzie Bub
King George
Turkish Knight
Bold and Hardy / Valiant Soldier
Doctor
Little Black Jack

Text

[Father Christmas]

In comes I oh Father Christmas
Am I welcome or am I not?
I hope old Father Christmas and I
Shall never be forgot.
Room, Room, Lady and Gentleman,
Room, Room, I say
For I am the Noble Captain
Brought all my men this way.

[Twin Twain]

In comes I little Twin Twain
the noble man of all this Press Gang.
I press them all and sent them all aboard of man o'war.
Although I am but little and small
I call myself the best man among them all.

[Father Bellzie Bub]

In come I old Father Bellzie Bub,
Over my shoulder I carry my club.
My head is made of a dripping pan,
And don't you think I am a handsome young man
Room, Room, Lady and Gentleman,
Room, Room, I say.
Step in King George and clear the way.

[King George]

In comes I King George
That man of courage bold,
With my sword and spear
I won three hundred ton in gold,
It was I who killed the dragon
And sent him to a slaughter,
And by those means I won
The queen of Denmark Daughter.
Oh oh that man that come under my hand
I cut him as small as dust
and send his Body to the Bakehouse to make a pie-crust.

[Turkish Knight]

In comes the proud Turkish Knight
just come from my proud Turkish land to fight
that man of courage bold.
If his blood is hot, I soon draw it cold.

[King George?]

Draw out your sword and fight
Pull out your purse and pay
For satisfaction we will have
This very night before we go away.

[Turkish Knight?]

Oh you villain, let us this battle try:
Lady and Gentleman see what wonderful work I done,
I cut and slain the Champion down like a flying eagle in the sun.

[Bold and Hardy]

In come I the valiant soldier,
Bold and Hardy is my name,
To be of vengie of my master
Death unto this place I came.
My head is as hard as iron
My hamlet is made of steel
My sword is buckle by my side
To fight King George all in this field.

[King George?]

Oh Hardy, Hardy, don't you be so bold
nor talk or think so great;
when you see your master lay there dead and cold
soon you shall be in the same state.

[Bold and Hardy]

Oh you villain it was you who struck my master
with a blow pierce him to the heart
the very same thing I will do to you this night
before we two do part.
Let us this battle try.
Now Lady and Gentleman see what wonderful work I have done.

[King George?]

Oh you villain, as you live
this very night long side that rough Turkey you shall lie.

[King George?]

Lady and Gentleman see what wonderful work I have done:
I have cut and lain these two champions down,
like a flying eagle in the sun.

[Unidentified Interrogator]

Doctor, Doctor!
is there a doctor to be had all in this night
to cure these two men of their bleeding wound
and make them stand up right?
oh yes there is a doctor to be had all in this night
to cure these two men of their bleeding wound
and make them stand up right.
What can you cure, Doctor?

[Doctor]

Hippsey, Pippsy Pousey Gout
Pain wound inside or out
broken arm broken leg broken bone of any kind.

[Unidentified Interrogator]

What you fees, Doctor?

[Doctor]

Twenty guineas is my fees, money I have down;
Although you are an honest man I do it for ten pound.

[Unidentified Interrogator]

When will you see me pay?
I see you pay or unpay in the morning,
you see me pay or unpay in the morning.

[Doctor]

You see me pay or unpay in the morning:
here, boy, get my horse and I am gone.

[Unidentified Interrogator]

Stop, stop, Doctor; I see you pay in the morning.

[Doctor]

Oh now you talk more like a man.
Now, Lady and Gentleman, I have got a little box of pills
which I called the best Dutch pills,
likewise a bottle of drops which I called the best golden drops.
I shall put one to the nose and one to the heart,
and make them rise and fight their part.
Snuff hard, Jack !

[Unidentified Patient]

Rise, fight, fall no more, for many time have I been slay:
I'll rise and fight King George again.

[Unidentified Interrogator]

Doctor, kick these two Turkish dogs out of doors.

Little Black Jack

In come I little Black Jack,
wife and family at my back:
money I have, money I crave;
if you don't give me money I will sweep you to your grave.
Although Christmas comes but once a year,
when it comes it brings good cheer.
Plum-pudding mincepies,
nobody likes them better than I.
Money in pocket is a very fine thing
though it isn't very often to be seen.
Lady and Gentleman, give me what you please.

[Unidentified Speaker]

Now Doctor, these two Turkish dogs that you just kick out of doors
if they will their master pardon beg,
I will them forgive.
Pardon me most noble king and do not cut me down;
I will be burnt unto stake if you will heal up my crown.
Rise and sing and see your county knighted,
for to-night will merry merry be
and to-morrow we get sober.

Notes